“Taking a thing apart is always faster than putting something together. This is true of everything except marriage.” ― Joe Hill
To be pronounced ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ can be one of the most beautiful thing for some, but the emotions resonating with ‘happily ever after’ may not last for all. The way one adds sugar to tea every day, similarly each couple has to make their relationship meaningful and gratifying by working on it bit by bit each day. They have to put in consistent efforts in order to find their ‘forever’.
But there are couples who realize, sooner or later, that their journey together is not a happy one, that they are not just meant to be together. There can be several reasons to, why two people consider the last option of divorce— incompatibility, infidelity, financial issues, never ending conflicts— but whatever be the reason, separation in any form is always a difficult and a mentally, physically and emotionally an exhausting process. Also, what is seen as ‘the last option’ by a couple may not really be the last one.
Pre-divorce counselling enables one to see whether divorce or separation is really the last option and if so, then what one needs to do to minimise pain, hurt, conflict and at times the associated guilt attached to it.
What is Pre-divorce counselling?
Pre-divorce counselling helps the couple in their attempts in re-conciliation. And if the marriage is beyond repair, counselling helps the couple to go through the divorce proceedings with a calmer, wiser and a more rational mind. Divorce counselling provides a platform to the distressed couple to communicate their interests and problems and come to a decision on effective ways to divide personal assets, and in many cases, to deal with the most important issue regarding child custody.
What are the dilemmas faced by a couple considering divorce?
The strange thing about marriages is that they are hard to break off even when they are on the verge of ending. This is mostly because the couple may find it extremely difficult to let go,the efforts, emotions, feelings and time they have invested in their marriage.
“After a few years, the marriage becomes a kind of a habit. You wake up to the same person every day, you live in a particular way every day, and come back to the same bed every night for years. Marriage becomes an addiction, so, when you decide to end it, it becomes as difficult as putting a cigarette down. It is difficult to let go of that kind of familiarity even when you know it is not healthy and detrimental for you.”
The decision becomes even more difficult to take when children are involved.
“It is true that our marriage was falling apart. But that didn’t mean I was going to let my children fall apart as well. So, Rahul and I mutually agreed on going for Pre-divorce counselling. It really helped and made the divorce less devastating for the children.” Says a 30-year old woman with three children.
Have you ever wondered what a child, whose parents decide to get divorce, goes through? It is quite unimaginable; the shock, followed by the pain and finally, the act of ‘choosing sides’. This may be the reason why some couples continue to stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of their children. But is it the right thing to do? Pre-marital Counselling helps the couple deal with questions such as these in a better manner.
Some of the other dilemmas faced by a couple considering divorce are several fears and insecurities associated with:
- Single parenting
- Children living between two households
- Child/ family support
- The stress of separation
- Being a stepmother/stepfather
- What will society/friends say
- And more important THE FEAR OF UNKNOWN
What does pre-divorce Counselling focus on?
- Allowing communication between the parties involved in divorce.
- Helping the couple decide if reconciliation is still possible.
- Having enough, substantial and genuine reasons for divorce.
- Overcoming feelings of guilt and blame.
- Dealing with stress and exhaustion involved in the process.
- Discovering a healthy, peaceful approach to co-parenting.
- Dealing with problems faced by children going through parents’ divorce.
- And being able to lead a new yet a different life with respect and dignity.
If you know someone, in need of such help, do not hesitant to offer one. To know more, log onto www.unipsy.in or call us @ 9250590502.
You can also read our blogs:
- Enhancing Relationships
- Live-In Relationships
- Am I in a healthy relationship
- LGBT- ‘Shades of love’
- Post Divorce Cunselling -‘Are you brave enough to say goodbye?’
- Pre Divorce Counselling-‘ Is it the right time to say goodbye?’
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