Enhancing Relationships—–Key concerns and solutions
I often wonder if all it takes is ‘love’ to make a relationship a success and I couldn’t help asking—-
“What is the biggest problem you face in a relationship?”
Barkha Manocha, a 23-year-old girl, said “Trusting.” Just one word, and I knew what she meant. I knew she meant that she constantly fears that things could go wrong. She fears being lied to and worse—being cheated on. So, I had to ask, “why?”
“I always have my guard up. Because then even if he lets me down, it’d possibly hurt a lot less.”
But is that really true. I guess pain and the sense of loss remains the same.
Most of you reading this might be nodding your heads at the screen. It is because we all might, at some point in our lives, have faced trust issues in a relationship. The fear of losing what we have often forces us to imagine the worst possible things….isn’t it? In fact, trust issues are faced by both: those who cannot trust and those who hate being not trusted enough, which brings us to the next concerns that is
“… loss of freedom…”
Most of my mornings I spend sitting at my desk, writing blogs. But today I began my morning with an interesting question to my friend, “What do you fear the most about being in a relationship?” He squinted his eyes to look at me, a bit surprised (of course), “I need my personal space even if I am in a relationship. I want to be able to hang out with my friends without getting into a fight. And losing the freedom to live as I like is terrifying.”
For some people relationship means all adjustment and harmless compromises. They are happy to spend most of their time together. But for some, they do not wish to lose their free self that they had before getting into a relationship (which is not always possible).
You and I belong to a tech savvy world which has made us very impatient, making us have everything at one click. Therefore, I would expect you to read this blog as soon as I post it and, strangely, get offended if you don’t. Something similar to this goes on with relationships today as well—We text, we wait for a text back, we don’t get it within a reasonable time, we get offended/angry. For us, it is almost impossible to imagine that there was a time when relationships survived on letters that took months (even years) to reach by. Now, we talk via texts, but that can hardly be counted as communication. One of my friend recently said, “I hardly get to talk to him. He is always so busy. And when he finally gets home, he is too tired to do anything.” I hate to admit that I could understand exactly what she meant. Most of us can. Sometimes we get so busy building a life that we miss out on the most important things in life: love and relationships. Lack of communication can result in misconceptions and trust issues even in people who really love each other.
The list never seems unending, and it thus bring me to talk about some more concerns as listed below—
What needs to be done?
According to our expert Ms. Gagandeep Kaur, RCI certified clinical psychology at Unique Psychological Services, strongly feels that there is no such thing as PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. But, certainly there are PERFECT MOMENTS. The real idea is to increase them as much as far as possible. Some of the ways to do so are:
- We all first, need to learn to have a relationship with our own selves.
- Till we are not open to our own fears, insecurities and grey areas, are not accepting of ourselves as we are, we can never open to others and will have difficulty accepting others with their flaws.
- We need to nurture our relationships each day by doing or expressing things that make each other feel special, wanted and desired.
- Patience is the key to every success, including a successful relationship. Try not to be too impulsive and judgmental. Listen to your partner at least instead of acting out on your assumptions as facts.
- Avoid being too critical, nagging and bringing up past repeatedly
- Be accepting. Once in a while it is ok to agree to disagree.
- In case of conflict, try and resolve it than shrugging it under the carpet
- Most importantly, BE YOURSELF instead acting out and always doing what others want you to…